Little Johnny No-Soul

There's a conventional horror movie bit where some sort of cute creature is revealed to be possessed by unfathomable evil. We stare into the big sad eyes of a puppy, they turn red, we pan out and lo and behold it's a hellhound; the little bunny grows fangs and goes for the throat of the couple in the convertible; the cuddly alien with a silly bugle bell for a nose uses it to suck the life force out of a bunch of Canadians. And then there's the baby, innocent and sweet, back to the camera, sitting in his high chair with what appears to be a bowl of Spaghetti-O's over his head and then the head begins to turn and turn and turn, way past what's natural, and as baby looks at us over the back of the chair we realize.... That's not red sauce.

For me, though, for sheer terror quotient none of these can compare with the baby in the current crop of E*Trade commercials. He looks out of the camera with the dead eyes of a 37 year old junior executive. His voice is imbued with the jaded disdain of one who has neither doubts nor gratitude. He is the embodiment of the worst that America has to offer: the new-money upper middle class conservative.

His disdain stems from a certainty that his success is the sole result of his own superior choices, lifestyle and work ethic. He feels no obligation to society or community; no empathy for those who choose service over the accumulation of wealth (except of course for the obligatory deference to members of the armed forces); no sympathy for those who are genuinely disadvantaged; no debt to the past or the future.

He thinks self interest passes for a philosophy. Press him about compassion and he'll indignantly tell you that he goes to church and gives money to charity. Above all, he believes that if everyone did things his way they'd be rich too, so if someone isn't it's not his problem. Baby Atlas shrugs. He's absolved of responsibility to anyone but himself, and of any need to be concerned with the common good.

I've looked into the eyes of toddlers and seen a lot of things. When I see joy or curiosity in their eyes it's like stepping out the door on the first day of spring, when I see fear or pain it's like an ache that envelopes the universe, and when I see love it's like looking into the heart of God.

But when I look into the dead eyes of the E*Trade baby it's like looking into a bottomless empty pit. He has no soul. The horror. The horror.